TorturedXeno

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Offline (the 06/23/2015 at 9:27pm)

TorturedXeno

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 12417
  • Number of comments : 364
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About TorturedXeno : You merely adopted the doge. I was shaped by it, molded by it. I didn’t encounter a Cate until I was already a man.

TorturedXeno's page activity

Visits<b>SuperDani</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 2:35pm<b>cjl1028</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 5:38pm<b>MissMayLaw001</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 2:22am<b>Doberman101</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 11:44pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 6:31am<b>WingWalker</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 7:05pm<b>chrissy0</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 8:55am<b>goldengirlsfan</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 11:40am<b>shinymaster3000</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 10:29am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 7:40am<b>mswhatever</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 2:12pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:44pm<b>HuskiesGrey</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 4:27pm<b>Supaviper</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 10:59am<b>XXX_Ehunt_XXX</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 7:35am<b>BooBerry777</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 6:52am<b>dianadarwish</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 5:21pm<b>Thoricsteam20</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 9:53pm

Fucked!<b>HuskiesGrey</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 10:27pm<b>Thoricsteam20</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 3:53am<b>daken96</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 8:13am<b>PinkPoshling111</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 11:04am

TorturedXeno's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

See all of TorturedXeno's badges

TorturedXeno's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm / Australia / Love

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

by Evolution mama / 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

by Sad Student / 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I realized that my dog has more work experience than I do. He's a retired military working dog, and I have a Master's degree. FML

by Pooper scooper / 01/28/2014 at 3:22am / Guam / Animals

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2014 at 4:49pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

by anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

by bird / 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML

by Can2 / 01/08/2014 at 2:03pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

by bear food / 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous