TorturedXeno

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Offline (the 06/23/2015 at 9:27pm)

TorturedXeno

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 12397
  • Number of comments : 364
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About TorturedXeno : You merely adopted the doge. I was shaped by it, molded by it. I didn’t encounter a Cate until I was already a man.

TorturedXeno's page activity

Visits<b>SuperDani</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 2:35pm<b>cjl1028</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 5:38pm<b>MissMayLaw001</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 2:22am<b>Doberman101</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 11:44pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 6:31am<b>WingWalker</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 7:05pm<b>chrissy0</b> - the 10/29/2015 at 8:55am<b>goldengirlsfan</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 11:40am<b>shinymaster3000</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 10:29am<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 7:40am<b>mswhatever</b> - the 08/11/2015 at 2:12pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:44pm<b>HuskiesGrey</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 4:27pm<b>Supaviper</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 10:59am<b>XXX_Ehunt_XXX</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 7:35am<b>BooBerry777</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 6:52am<b>dianadarwish</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 5:21pm<b>Thoricsteam20</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 9:53pm

Fucked!<b>HuskiesGrey</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 10:27pm<b>Thoricsteam20</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 3:53am<b>daken96</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 8:13am<b>PinkPoshling111</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 11:04am

TorturedXeno's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

See all of TorturedXeno's badges

TorturedXeno's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

by cat lady / 08/30/2014 at 7:56am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

by fingwhore / 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 2:42am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

by sunil / 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

by I'm Not Dead Yet / 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

by FLIPmcCOOL / 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug / 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

by Lookalike / 05/12/2014 at 10:38am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

by Makeitdance / 05/11/2014 at 10:46am / United States (California) / Work

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

by Zekrome / 05/05/2014 at 3:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

by i guess / 05/02/2014 at 8:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

by Mortifiedcharityworker / 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm / Austria / Work

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

by fuckingfloridahowihatethee / 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous