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Torrixx's favorite FMLs
Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML
by blahblah / 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Schaf_12 / 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm / Austria (Wien) / Love
by ZeroApostle4Ever / 02/23/2012 at 3:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
by tireedddddd / 11/25/2011 at 11:24am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up exhausted because a croaking frog had kept me awake the night before. This has happened every night for the past week, and no matter how far away I take the frog, it always ends up sitting in the same place the next morning. FML
by froggylicious / 08/16/2011 at 2:18pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by TuteSweet / 08/12/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Cowgirl_Up37 / 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
by Laura / 03/11/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Today / 09/06/2010 at 10:26pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
by Alicia / 01/21/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML
by snorlax / 01/19/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
by gettingacat / 12/17/2009 at 9:32am / United States (California) / Animals
by Roida / 10/26/2009 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe… Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to… Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container.…