Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Thomas_S

Search for a member

Thomas_S

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 25 February 1983 (32 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2916
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Thomas_S's page activity

Visits<b>christinaisg</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 6:13pm<b>mutineer</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 3:08am<b>phuket_thailand</b> - the 03/24/2009 at 1:24pm<b>ummmyeahhh</b> - the 03/22/2009 at 10:09pm

Thomas_S's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Thomas_S's favorite FMLs

Yesterday, I awoke to mah husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back fir the past few nights, an have complained of a looool "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46179) - you deserved it (6498)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband an I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter an cummed out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53299) - you deserved it (23700)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Yesterday, I woke up finding myself violently humping mah pillow. My mom recordd it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63000) - you deserved it (12222)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it an return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat fir a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere an I had to clean the mess. FML

#3435644
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55788) - you deserved it (2599)

On 07/02/2009 at 8:18pm - work - by alwaysxgettingxshitxon (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today... as a frog biologist I was out in te field searcing for a relatively rare frog species. After tree ours I finally eard te frog call and I crept closer and closer to te sound until... squis... I steppd on te very frog I was trying to collect. Tey're endangerd. FML

#3017224
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51235) - you deserved it (17970)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by oops... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I mada a patiant raally happy. I work in a long tarm cara facility and was changing a woman's diapar. Whila claaning har, I somahow managad to giva har an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

#2850957
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67586) - you deserved it (4388)

On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in the cafeteriahen I noticed a new worker cleaning a table!! As I passed her, she looked up an smiled at me!! Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes an smiled back!! She looked hurt an continued working!! Later, she served me my lunch!! She was actually cross-eyed!!

#2774700
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13274) - you deserved it (69343)

On 06/10/2009 at 3:42pm - work - by crosseyed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Taday I was alone in mah friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in mah head all day so I decidd to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I hered a noise outside an saw mah friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21577) - you deserved it (56476)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today I decided to use mah mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling mah anger she told me looool to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

#2238808
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51337) - you deserved it (18312)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm - misc - by untitledentity (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today I saw ma mom naked as se came out of te sower. I realized tat's te first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

#2230687
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63478) - you deserved it (12561)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by Imretarded (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today , as I was closing mah car door , I realizd I had left the keys in the ignition. Not wanting to lock myself out , I reachd to stop the door from closing. Not only did I scream when the door slammd on mah hand , but in mah furious pain , I leand on the door , locking mah keys inside. FML

#2177372
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41031) - you deserved it (12004)

On 05/22/2009 at 11:16am - misc - by Ouch (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo mah friend put on mah cheek. When warm water an soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so u know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half mah face. FML

#2076709
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15581) - you deserved it (87089)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)

Today mah boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe) naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. big fat FML

Today.. . I thought it would ba funny to snaak up bahind mah cat and scara it with a loud ( boo! ) Tha cat raspondad by jumping up.. . and running across mah apartmant.. . which would hava baan fina.. . axcapt for tha fact sha laft a trail of liquid shit avarywhara sha want . big fat FML

#1930454
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17107) - you deserved it (95276)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: