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ThomasBombadil's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML
by happypineapple / 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML
by fuck you, kid / 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/23/2014 at 12:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML
by cumbucket cops / 03/16/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML
by fail / 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 2:13pm / Sweden / Kids
by jack s.b. / 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML
by butnotlikethat / 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm / China (Jiangxi) / Intimacy
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML
by Embarassed / 11/23/2012 at 1:14am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 2:14am / United States / Intimacy
by chanclepants / 01/27/2010 at 8:35am / Intimacy
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…