About The_Instigator : I'm that guy who always tangles your headphones when you're not paying attention.
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The_Instigator's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML
by sopheeah / 05/29/2012 at 3:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Health
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy
by Rash / 12/06/2011 at 11:54am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 1:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML
by Anonymous / 11/22/2011 at 10:09am / United States / Money
by toomuch / 11/22/2011 at 4:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by Emil / 11/20/2011 at 4:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/20/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 11/20/2011 at 6:31am / United States / Love
by Stinky / 11/20/2011 at 5:23am / United States (California) / Love
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
by dan / 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping… Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to… Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was…