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TheRuined's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
by caught out / 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML
by Nose bleed / 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML
by not a dumbass pothead / 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML
by Anonymous / 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm / Canada / Health
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML
by Can't Believe It. / 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by MissDQ / 12/02/2013 at 8:47am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 9:39pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 9:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I started stroking the back of his neck with… Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would… Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my…