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TheLadyOpal's FML badges
The Thumb strikes back
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
TheLadyOpal's favorite FMLs
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML
by fuckshitcockwaffle / 05/31/2013 at 10:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by jfc, how just how / 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
by Mr_poole / 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML
by QueenOrangeSoda / 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck / 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 12:59am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML
by JacktheRussian / 04/07/2013 at 8:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by NYmets456 / 04/05/2013 at 12:25am / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 5:17am / United States / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…