Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Online | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 15 September 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 12852
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About TheDragonsGuard : Message me if you want to talk!

ThePaperDragon is cool people, we're buddies irl.

TheDragonsGuard's page activity

Visits<b>stuckintime</b> - 4 minutes ago<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - 4 hours ago<b>MoDDbest</b> - 16 hours ago<b>mthurston</b> - 20 hours ago<b>chr1sF</b> - yesterday at 11:31pm<b>AyeTee77</b> - yesterday at 7:55pm<b>pedrorocks</b> - yesterday at 4:38pm<b>jkzr555</b> - yesterday at 1:55pm<b>tmonty5000</b> - yesterday at 9:00am<b>0mysteriousman0</b> - yesterday at 1:52am<b>blackfire20</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 12:43am<b>brookefails</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 12:02am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 11:47pm<b>samrompain</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 9:24pm<b>jc981987</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 6:45pm<b>najraa</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 5:40pm<b>The_Avatar</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 4:39pm<b>s1s1</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 4:05pm

Fucked!<b>mthurston</b> - 14 hours ago<b>0mysteriousman0</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 11:08pm<b>Skarlun</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 8:16pm<b>inkjet</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 7:13pm<b>pineapplejuicy</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 6:18pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 5:54pm<b>ancr7512</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 12:27pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:50pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 4:31pm<b>marshm610</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 4:55am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 11:42pm<b>Coachjoost79</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 11:03pm<b>Coffeehound</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 9:51pm<b>NodakN8V</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 8:36pm<b>kyoung123</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 7:31pm<b>EyRaB</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 6:52pm<b>AyeTee77</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 6:17pm<b>man_in_black08</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 3:38pm

TheDragonsGuard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of TheDragonsGuard's badges

TheDragonsGuard's favorite FMLs

Today, while making spaghetti, my boyfriend tested the pasta was done by throwing the entire pot of pasta, including the boiling water and the pot, at the wall. A few pieces of pasta stuck to the wall. He then turned around, smiled and said, "Yep, it's done". FML


I agree, your life sucks (21020) - you deserved it (1862)

On 11/23/2015 at 2:31am - misc - by Anon - United States (California)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, as I was on the couch taking a nap, it started violently shaking. I panicked and chased my family outside, convinced it was an earthquake. It was just the cat trapped inside the couch. FML

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51492) - you deserved it (4260)

On 07/20/2014 at 1:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently, me being nice to him makes him feel guilty. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45652) - you deserved it (4582)

On 07/17/2014 at 4:48pm - love - by toonice - United States (Oregon)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54738) - you deserved it (3839)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42211) - you deserved it (8045)

On 07/15/2014 at 6:04pm - work - by mister_pinky (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64892) - you deserved it (8378)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45730) - you deserved it (7743)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41707) - you deserved it (6219)

On 07/12/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47114) - you deserved it (8717)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43610) - you deserved it (6638)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40996) - you deserved it (21263)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Mselle Risa's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML Pics : The top 4 pics
  • They say that a picture is worth a boring bunch of words thrown at you by a corporate robot. That's true. Corporate robots are the worst. Anyway, the FML Pics app is still being downloaded all over the…

Tuesday 24 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: