About TheDeafWalrus : Christian. JSU. ΣΝ ΙΛ 422. Criminal justice major with concentration in forensic investigations. Chemistry and psychology minor.
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TheDeafWalrus's favorite FMLs
by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/02/2013 at 12:16am / United States (Nevada) / Health
by SierraDiaz2097 / 03/23/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
by sn-511 / 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm / Italy (Campania) / Intimacy
Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML
by JimiHendrix / 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Health
Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML
by mr_loveless / 02/11/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Love
by killme / 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan.… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…