About TheCutestLizard : 33. I think I'm pretty great.
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TheCutestLizard's favorite FMLs
by AnonymousCow / 09/20/2016 at 9:04am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML
by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML
by Why Me / 08/12/2015 at 9:50am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 8:36am / United States (Florida) / Love
by lulumars / 06/14/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML
by Milo / 06/02/2015 at 12:50pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/02/2015 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML
by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML
by NevertheKool / 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML
by GotGasNotLuck / 05/05/2015 at 6:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by Malíya / 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
Today, I took my 5-year-old daughter to the play place at McDonalds but I had to keep her busy, instead of letting her play. A mom was teaching her 3-year-old daughter how to pole dance, using the play place's poles. FML
by Pandistoteles / 04/14/2015 at 5:17pm / United States / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…