About TheCrispyCat : What ya doin Spiceman?!?
TheCrispyCat's FML badges
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
TheCrispyCat's favorite FMLs
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
by nocat6 / 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 2:56am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML
by he's not the one going to hell / 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm / Australia / Geek
by ElementaryEdGuy / 09/11/2014 at 11:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML
by rugener92 / 09/04/2014 at 7:22pm / Kids
by MusicLover18 / 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML
by nayahbear24 / 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Holidays
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by leem / 08/27/2014 at 5:21pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Transportation
by KristaAaronn / 08/27/2014 at 8:24am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML
by LolKaleb / 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I was fixing the plumbing at my father-in-law's house. I told him to shut off the water and yell to me when he did. A few minutes later, I heard a yell and removed the pipe. I was met with a face full of water. Turns out he was just very excited when the Rangers beat the Mariners. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 7:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
- Today, I was in the middle of watching this awesome show on Hulu. I was halfway through the season… Today, I was playing video games when my balls felt itchy. I had been sick for the past few days so… Today, I found out that a very close friend of mine masturbates to photos of me on my Instagram and…