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Th3FirstB3arJ3w

Offline (the 05/27/2015 at 12:18pm) | Search for a member

Th3FirstB3arJ3w

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 April 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 746
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Th3FirstB3arJ3w's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

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Th3FirstB3arJ3w's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26846) - you deserved it (2096)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26905) - you deserved it (3115)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31767) - you deserved it (5298)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33834) - you deserved it (4483)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

#21397047
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27477) - you deserved it (3877)

On 04/20/2015 at 7:55pm - kids - by ChildFree (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29344) - you deserved it (7881)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

#21374736
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (569) - you deserved it (10577)

On 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22650) - you deserved it (15282)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

#21364342
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31228) - you deserved it (5954)

On 02/27/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by milked (woman) - United States

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30121) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

#21337828
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (15119)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

#21327839
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23449) - you deserved it (42606)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm - kids - by skanula414 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

#21309848
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34483) - you deserved it (4431)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:40am - intimacy - by justagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33503) - you deserved it (5806)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29304) - you deserved it (2274)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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