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Th3FirstB3arJ3w

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Th3FirstB3arJ3w

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 April 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 548
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Th3FirstB3arJ3w's FML badges

The Mixer

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50 favourites

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Th3FirstB3arJ3w's favorite FMLs

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28051) - you deserved it (7659)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

#21374736
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31679) - you deserved it (9254)

On 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (15188)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

#21364342
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29823) - you deserved it (5364)

On 02/27/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by milked (woman) - United States

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

#21364157
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30066) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by We're still popping them - United States (California)

Today, I gambled on a fart and lost. FML

#21337828
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23560) - you deserved it (15102)

On 01/15/2015 at 8:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

#21327839
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23469) - you deserved it (42529)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm - kids - by skanula414 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

#21309848
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34542) - you deserved it (4413)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:40am - intimacy - by justagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33529) - you deserved it (5794)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29272) - you deserved it (2272)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

#21301827
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35163) - you deserved it (3668)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:27am - intimacy - by jigglypluff (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

#21292929
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27117) - you deserved it (3551)

On 11/05/2014 at 7:48pm - health - by cjhgvb - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38531) - you deserved it (10846)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

#21290313
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35527) - you deserved it (3149)

On 11/02/2014 at 6:28am - health - by smellyhair - United Kingdom

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48119) - you deserved it (3549)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)



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