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Th3FirstB3arJ3w

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Th3FirstB3arJ3w

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 April 1995 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 843
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Th3FirstB3arJ3w's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of Th3FirstB3arJ3w's badges

Th3FirstB3arJ3w's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

#21443446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (2784)

On 07/18/2015 at 7:09am - intimacy - by henhouse - Australia (Victoria)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31311) - you deserved it (2151)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23464) - you deserved it (7554)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

#21430513
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (5249)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:37am - misc - by Arcanin3Boss (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

#21429657
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25214) - you deserved it (2068)

On 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm - kids - by hfs palm - United States

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

#21428714
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26777) - you deserved it (3699)

On 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm - misc - by baberuth - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

#21421518
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27847) - you deserved it (4977)

On 06/05/2015 at 10:14pm - love - by CassidyQueen - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

#21419795
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30086) - you deserved it (2627)

On 06/02/2015 at 5:02pm - love - by Jrex89 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

#21418659
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24783) - you deserved it (5123)

On 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27906) - you deserved it (2116)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28591) - you deserved it (3224)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32646) - you deserved it (5368)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34554) - you deserved it (4520)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-law asked me when my fiancé and I were going to start having children. When I told her we weren't planning on having any, she went on a tirade about how selfish and cold I am for denying her precious grandchildren. Now she hates me. FML

#21397047
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27583) - you deserved it (3889)

On 04/20/2015 at 7:55pm - kids - by ChildFree (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29541) - you deserved it (7911)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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