Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Tempest559

Search for a member

Tempest559
  • Town/Country : Fresno, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 925
  • Number of comments : 184
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Tempest559 : FML's cheer me up. I'm a specialized mechanic. My dog is the world to me. I enjoy the mountains more than the beach. I like to cook, camp, shoot, go to concerts and bla bla bla. I'm tired of listing shit on here already. Also I thought the douchy picture was a funny move. And no more douchy photo because of all the hating. And I brought it back again, let's see how many negative comments I'll get this time.

Tempest559's last visitors

zeriously95CaffieneKingAyezedAlexis32kak_999999999Mr_SaikalyMisterCross

Tempest559's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of Tempest559's badges

Tempest559's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53132) - you deserved it (13890)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

#20579784
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18667) - you deserved it (35465)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:33pm - misc - by JacktheRussian (man) - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37699) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML

#19979186
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30875) - you deserved it (3106)

On 07/23/2012 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

#19966963
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18785) - you deserved it (3391)

On 07/21/2012 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Lucy - United States (California)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (32985)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML

#19608696
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34219) - you deserved it (5868)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by rawr_fml001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML

#19584401
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11948) - you deserved it (160240)

On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

#19464902
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21746) - you deserved it (2569)

On 04/14/2012 at 2:27am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML

#19357062
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21827) - you deserved it (3981)

On 03/27/2012 at 11:54am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, severing all forms of communication but one: Words With Friends. FML

#18653374
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21724) - you deserved it (2532)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:27pm - love - by ktinanic - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34707) - you deserved it (2206)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

#18442495
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7861) - you deserved it (50662)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

#18320806
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10776) - you deserved it (40305)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:53pm - love - by Anon - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

#18272205
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28299) - you deserved it (4286)

On 11/17/2011 at 11:50am - work - by Chubby - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: