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TaylorTotsYumm

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TaylorTotsYumm
  • Town/Country : lesbotopia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 12724
  • Number of comments : 1133
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About TaylorTotsYumm : Things I love:
•Seattle
•soccer
•popsicles
•indie rock, classic rock, grunge, alt., jazz, blues
•Amy Winehouse
•Harry Potter
•oceans
•Febreze
•Anne Hathaway
•Liverpool fc
•'90s cartoons
•All That
•singing
•Grey's Anatomy
•environmental consciousness
•dykes

Things I hate:
•Man. U
•autotune
•wbc

-If you have any questions for me, or just want to talk, shoot me a message. I'll answer next time I use the website rather than the app.

TaylorTotsYumm's last visitors

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TaylorTotsYumm's FML badges

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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TaylorTotsYumm's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

#4619260
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68491) - you deserved it (5427)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

#4499384
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64085) - you deserved it (7209)

On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46107) - you deserved it (6087)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

#3192725
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74355) - you deserved it (10289)

On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28767) - you deserved it (133842)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

#1968718
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27675) - you deserved it (62961)

On 05/15/2009 at 5:17pm - love - by not4geeks (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14315) - you deserved it (87485)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (248560) - you deserved it (14297)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

#1082247
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92613) - you deserved it (5072)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:24am - health - by Ian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140536) - you deserved it (20542)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

#909616
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62081) - you deserved it (18234)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)



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