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TaylorTotsYumm

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TaylorTotsYumm
  • Town/Country : lesbotopia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 12710
  • Number of comments : 1133
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About TaylorTotsYumm : Things I love:
•Seattle
•soccer
•popsicles
•indie rock, classic rock, grunge, alt., jazz, blues
•Amy Winehouse
•Harry Potter
•oceans
•Febreze
•Anne Hathaway
•Liverpool fc
•'90s cartoons
•All That
•singing
•Grey's Anatomy
•environmental consciousness
•dykes

Things I hate:
•Man. U
•autotune
•wbc

-If you have any questions for me, or just want to talk, shoot me a message. I'll answer next time I use the website rather than the app.

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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TaylorTotsYumm's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67726) - you deserved it (14663)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

#15415260
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28965) - you deserved it (50935)

On 03/21/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by fffmmll - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, my husband bought a horse. We don't own any furniture, but we have a flippin' horse. FML

#15317842
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48012) - you deserved it (6233)

On 03/15/2011 at 2:01am - money - by neverthefirst -

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

#15165919
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16513) - you deserved it (80494)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12631) - you deserved it (33317)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20194) - you deserved it (40207)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

#14786538
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24442) - you deserved it (4161)

On 01/31/2011 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

#14644616
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28200) - you deserved it (6217)

On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

#14161331
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25160) - you deserved it (18578)

On 12/11/2010 at 1:00am - intimacy - by caligirl921 - United States

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

#14080015
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22211) - you deserved it (5933)

On 12/04/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by chi-huaHUA - United States

Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a v-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year old grandma. FML

#14051903
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8681) - you deserved it (50867)

On 12/01/2010 at 8:14pm - love - by agentile (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML

#13994749
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27873) - you deserved it (13682)

On 11/27/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

#13961788
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29066) - you deserved it (9992)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Heyy - United States (Washington)



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