Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TaylorTotsYumm

Search for a member

TaylorTotsYumm
  • Town/Country : lesbotopia
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 12705
  • Number of comments : 1133
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About TaylorTotsYumm : Things I love:
•Seattle
•soccer
•popsicles
•indie rock, classic rock, grunge, alt., jazz, blues
•Amy Winehouse
•Harry Potter
•oceans
•Febreze
•Anne Hathaway
•Liverpool fc
•'90s cartoons
•All That
•singing
•Grey's Anatomy
•environmental consciousness
•dykes

Things I hate:
•Man. U
•autotune
•wbc

-If you have any questions for me, or just want to talk, shoot me a message. I'll answer next time I use the website rather than the app.

TaylorTotsYumm's last visitors

JaighalorWhorunstheworldAbsoluezer0rabbi1010CloudBustahC7

TaylorTotsYumm's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of TaylorTotsYumm's badges

TaylorTotsYumm's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

#18083202
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34146) - you deserved it (3973)

On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

#18072283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31411) - you deserved it (2623)

On 10/25/2011 at 2:04pm - kids - by mew - Canada

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

#18071770
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28584) - you deserved it (6592)

On 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by beccav23 - United States (Texas)

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

#18051286
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39429) - you deserved it (18405)

On 10/23/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by canucks_chick - Canada

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

#17668852
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26403) - you deserved it (4071)

On 09/05/2011 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

#17612047
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10834) - you deserved it (49049)

On 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by slut (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

#17488478
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6721) - you deserved it (63456)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30020) - you deserved it (8709)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

#17450169
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27051) - you deserved it (4078)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Coldsnap - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

#17404409
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47162) - you deserved it (3113)

On 08/08/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

#17364293
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36980) - you deserved it (3498)

On 08/04/2011 at 4:30am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29709) - you deserved it (3314)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

#17217334
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30033) - you deserved it (4531)

On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

#17211099
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34710) - you deserved it (3601)

On 07/22/2011 at 12:11am - misc - by oliverP123 - United States (New York)

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

#17206347
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35885) - you deserved it (7775)

On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: