About TM24D : I literally hate everyone on FML.
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TM24D's favorite FMLs
Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML
by fukinlonely / 01/12/2015 at 7:53am / United Kingdom / Love
Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML
by still poor / 12/05/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by BagelTheOtaku / 08/20/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Georgia) / Health
by emmamrose7 / 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML
by oops / 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML
by Emliy / 08/01/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2014 at 4:21am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Kids
by fatty magoo / 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML
by jayswizzle89 / 07/29/2014 at 3:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by rejected / 07/28/2014 at 6:09pm / United States (California) / Love
by why / 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
by fingwhore / 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…