About Swift4Life : Im what you get when you mix OCD, stubbornness & the jack-*ss syndrome all together. I love Taylor Swift, Paramore and hockey. Since you now know that, you pretty much know everything about me. Yup, I'm that interesting.
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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Swift4Life's favorite FMLs
by Ashley Marshburn / 10/17/2010 at 9:55am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I was late to a sold out movie in the theater, so I had to shuffle in during the previews in the dark. I sat down in what I thought was the last vacant seat, but I'd really just sat in a small woman's lap. She was not happy. FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2010 at 4:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got back from a two week holiday only to discover my dog missing. After looking for him at animal shelters and putting up missing pet signs, my room mate admitted he lost him in a game of drunk poker. FML
by therealducktape / 08/20/2010 at 6:03pm / Animals
Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML
by longday / 07/25/2010 at 2:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by captainkevineff / 03/11/2010 at 9:44am / United States / Health
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend finally invited me over to his parents house so I could meet them. My boyfriend, his dad and I were sitting in the living room, when I saw a really sketchy person outside, so I said, "There is some creepy hobo man outside, messing with your trash." The "creepy hobo" was his mom. FML
by CheLi / 12/08/2009 at 12:09am / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2009 at 3:23am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML
by GodDaughter / 09/19/2009 at 8:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
by Udxero / 09/10/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2009 at 3:02pm / United States (Tennessee) / Health
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
by fearofzombies / 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML
by Lawrence / 08/06/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, I went to the mall and had to parallel park. It took me 10 to 12 minutes of maneuvering before I got into the slot. When I turned off the car and got out, there were 8 people laughing hysterically and clapping for me. FML
by greek_dancer / 07/13/2009 at 1:14am / United States / Transportation
by thelarkscaw / 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…