About Swift4Life : Im what you get when you mix OCD, stubbornness & the jack-*ss syndrome all together. I love Taylor Swift, Paramore and hockey. Since you now know that, you pretty much know everything about me. Yup, I'm that interesting.
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Swift4Life's favorite FMLs
by Rumors / 12/12/2013 at 6:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by cuntsmom / 09/24/2013 at 12:47am / United States / Kids
Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML
by Madster15 / 09/15/2013 at 2:05am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by D / 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML
by offuckingcourse / 08/06/2013 at 1:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Love
Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML
by ulisha5 / 08/02/2013 at 5:54pm / Bulgaria (Burgas) / Kids
by mishyb / 07/28/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
- Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim,… Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so… Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it…