About Starzak : Contrary to popular belief, you're and your are NOT interchangeable for fuck's sake.
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Starzak's favorite FMLs
Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying "If god doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML
Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML
by Rowaelin16 / 08/22/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Emmereen / 08/22/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a cute guy at the coffee shop reading a book. Wanting to be friendly, I smiled as I approached and asked what he was reading. He returned the smile and said, "Minding your damn business, by Fuck Off." FML
by nevaagain / 08/19/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by Scared4Lf / 08/19/2016 at 2:10pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
by Weightlosshereicome / 08/08/2016 at 6:06am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, while at work as a cashier, one lady's total was $1.32. She handed me the dollar, and then apologized. When I looked at her, confused as to what she was sorry about, she went wrist deep into her bra, grabbed some change, and quickly put it into my hand. It was wet and it smelt. FML
by CliffyB03 / 08/01/2016 at 5:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, my mom told me that she wanted the whole family to move to Guatemala. I told her, as nice and calmly as I could, that this was an awful idea. She is now furious with me because I don't want to move to Guatemala. FML
by holluphollup / 08/01/2016 at 2:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML
by NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus / 07/29/2016 at 5:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML
by Toroka / 07/29/2016 at 2:59pm / Love
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML
by Chocolaty / 07/21/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML
by gamerlaura / 07/21/2016 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Health
by ENDmySUFFERING / 07/21/2016 at 11:25am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/19/2016 at 11:01pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy