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Stardew's favorite FMLs
Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 1:01pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML
by fuck / 08/21/2015 at 2:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Sestricken / 08/11/2015 at 8:22am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML
by bekkylove22 / 05/27/2015 at 4:45am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm / India (Delhi) / Intimacy
by yupthissucks / 04/13/2015 at 5:00am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML
by Why Me / 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML
by stressed / 10/12/2014 at 2:40am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by littleteapot / 09/04/2014 at 10:47pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML
by I hate children / 08/18/2014 at 8:10am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Kids
by Ew?Really? / 08/04/2014 at 1:42am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML
by Q / 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Blaisey / 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals