About SqueakyChipmunk :
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.
1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) You are legally required to read everything I say in a squeaky voice, or be faced with a court summons.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.
About SqueakyChipmunk :
SqueakyChipmunk's FML badges
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
The rules are the rules
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
SqueakyChipmunk's favorite FMLs
by Pizzaguy / 08/02/2012 at 12:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Health
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
by TheMissMuffly / 07/31/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by gmd05 / 07/31/2012 at 10:28am / United States / Miscellaneous
by loser / 07/31/2012 at 10:21am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 10:50am / United States / Health
Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML
by Frustation / 07/30/2012 at 9:00am / United States / Work
Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML
by clayton / 07/27/2012 at 8:30pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML
by Nikki / 07/27/2012 at 9:45am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Itstrickyyxx / 07/25/2012 at 2:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Rochelle / 07/25/2012 at 2:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Roma-Jay / 07/22/2012 at 10:13am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…