About SqueakyChipmunk :
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.
1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) You are legally required to read everything I say in a squeaky voice, or be faced with a court summons.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.
About SqueakyChipmunk :
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SqueakyChipmunk's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm / Belgium / Animals
by part time all the time / 06/23/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Washington) / Work
by Apes / 03/25/2013 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML
by WetWalking / 03/21/2013 at 9:31am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML
by Anonymous / 03/17/2013 at 7:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by hejdixjeln / 03/17/2013 at 6:25am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML
by asthmattack / 01/25/2013 at 1:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Ape / 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by wtf / 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy
by Saduglydad / 12/12/2012 at 11:05am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 11:29am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML
by woodless / 12/09/2012 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my new doctor gave me a pamphlet for a cervical cancer prevention injection and told me it's… Today, I realized I finally had enough money saved to surprise my girlfriend with her dream trip to… Today, I discovered our dog anxiety-sharts in his sleep. I found this out after a couple nights of…