About SqueakyChipmunk :
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.
1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) You are legally required to read everything I say in a squeaky voice, or be faced with a court summons.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.
About SqueakyChipmunk :
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SqueakyChipmunk's favorite FMLs
Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML
by MobPerfect / 05/11/2012 at 9:24am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
by anamota89 / 05/11/2012 at 5:33am / United States / Love
by Amy / 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by polimeros / 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm / Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga) / Intimacy
Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML
by chieftain / 05/09/2012 at 3:34pm / Norway (Vestfold) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML
by Slowsky / 05/09/2012 at 6:19am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML
by aligator1009 / 05/09/2012 at 12:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Mouhahaa / 05/08/2012 at 11:48pm / France / Love
by laury / 05/08/2012 at 10:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Kyley / 05/08/2012 at 7:55am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy
by SomePeoplesKids / 05/08/2012 at 2:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML
by Ellie / 05/08/2012 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I… Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's facebook wall. Apparently I give awful blowjobs. FML Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because…