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SqueakyChipmunk

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SqueakyChipmunk
  • Town/Country : Dallas, Texas
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 September 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 5097
  • Number of comments : 2533
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 375 posted

About SqueakyChipmunk :
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.

1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/squeaky.thechipmunk
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) You are legally required to read everything I say in a squeaky voice, or be faced with a court summons.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.

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SqueakyChipmunk's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

#19607657
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19419) - you deserved it (2674)

On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

#19606582
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20002) - you deserved it (2735)

On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

#19606194
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4799) - you deserved it (18701)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:33am - misc - by anamota89 (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#19602885
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16293) - you deserved it (4073)

On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

#19598772
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10287) - you deserved it (34845)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by polimeros (man) - Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga)

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

#19597965
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15677) - you deserved it (4595)

On 05/09/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by chieftain (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

#19597798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15842) - you deserved it (1320)

On 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

#19596510
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15187) - you deserved it (4423)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:19am - health - by Slowsky (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

#19595886
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23495) - you deserved it (2013)

On 05/09/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by aligator1009 - United States

Today, my wife made my hand bleed by stabbing it with a fork. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

#19595631
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12854) - you deserved it (25999) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/08/2012 at 11:48pm - misc - by Mouhahaa (man) - France

Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm. FML

#19594950
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (2108)

On 05/08/2012 at 10:05pm - intimacy - by laury - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

#19592298
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28070) - you deserved it (2842)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States

Today, I was broken up with via a cereal analogy. Apparently, I'm a Cheerio and all he wants is a Fruit Loop. FML

#19591355
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19350) - you deserved it (1850)

On 05/08/2012 at 7:55am - love - by Kyley - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

#19591291
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14647) - you deserved it (27647)

On 05/08/2012 at 7:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

#19590770
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19314) - you deserved it (5285)

On 05/08/2012 at 2:08am - kids - by SomePeoplesKids - Canada (Alberta)



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