About SqueakyChipmunk :
http://squeakychipmunk.tumblr.com/ My Blog. CLICK IT.
1) Like my sense of humor? ADD ME ON FACEBOOK MOTHAFUCKA!
Twitter: Fuck you, fuck Twitter.
2) Squeak squeak, mother fucker.
2.5) You are legally required to read everything I say in a squeaky voice, or be faced with a court summons.
3) I have a gift for you in my pants. It's not a toaster. Okay, it is a toaster...
4) Swag, YOLO, sucks for you and text talk will get you mauled.
5) The next sentence is false.
6) The previous sentence is true.
About SqueakyChipmunk :
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SqueakyChipmunk's favorite FMLs
Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML
by fuckyouharddad / 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML
by cricha4208 / 04/15/2014 at 10:01am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by stupiddog / 04/15/2014 at 8:08am / United States (California) / Animals
by gullible / 04/12/2014 at 12:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/12/2014 at 1:24am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML
by IcyWindows / 03/31/2014 at 10:03pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Jaime / 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
by bringthemback / 03/29/2014 at 6:34am / United States (South Carolina) / Work
by :( / 03/28/2014 at 4:25pm / Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, a would-be customer practically kicked my store door in, then got pissed and started throwing around insults after I told him that we were still closed, hence the closed sign. He claimed the sign was "confusing". FML
by IDIOT / 03/28/2014 at 4:11pm / United States / Work
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…