Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Spider

Offline (3 hours ago) | Search for a member

Spider

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 June 1982 (33 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 62677
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About Spider : in relationship, full time employed, generally happy

Spider's page activity

Visits<b>Nail9797</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 2:33pm<b>sexymomo1234</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 8:22pm<b>Kamorka</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 4:10pm<b>somethingstupd</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 1:19pm<b>badmandilon</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 11:16am<b>nityasomaiya</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 6:22am<b>roxzanne22</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 7:02pm<b>bryce0110</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:09pm<b>KushTreats</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 12:43am<b>jayyvonblood</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 1:47am<b>jubejube239</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 11:25pm<b>batah</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 3:24pm<b>shivamtrivedi</b> - the 02/18/2014 at 1:36pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 6:49pm<b>iMeowchu</b> - the 12/20/2013 at 8:27am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 6:10pm<b>annmarie_124</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 5:50pm<b>xoVilluminati</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 12:58am

Spider's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Spider's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

#4751132
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (14784)

On 08/23/2009 at 12:48am - work - by introuble (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML

#4744238
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26751) - you deserved it (4128)

On 08/22/2009 at 8:43pm - love - by Loveless (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

#4730526
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35098) - you deserved it (4042)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:29am - kids - by naughtyshirt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

#3890041
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (223089) - you deserved it (14044)

On 07/19/2009 at 9:06pm - love - by Loveless (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got all my co-workers motivated. We were all going to quit and walk out the door. I went first. I gave an emotional speech to my boss and threw my uniform to the ground. Then I turned around to to see the rest follow, they all began laughing. They didn't. They WANTED me to quit. FML

#877150
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50966) - you deserved it (33675)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:34pm - work - by ineedanewjob (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML

#874593
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107302) - you deserved it (8865)

On 04/08/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by intranator (man) - Jordan (Amman Governorate)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

#871042
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111585) - you deserved it (5752)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

#869023
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17237) - you deserved it (94052)

On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

#866665
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20995) - you deserved it (74463)

On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML

#864226
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63670) - you deserved it (5796)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:03am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML

#849768
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (178027) - you deserved it (10072)

On 04/07/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Powerfool (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

#55027
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56937) - you deserved it (9359)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by LALALA3 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

#55027
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56937) - you deserved it (9359)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by LALALA3 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54355) - you deserved it (16239)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML

#54081
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54355) - you deserved it (16239)

On 02/16/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by pineapple456 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: