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Soul_of_Envy's favorite FMLs
Today, I pulled a muscle in my right shoulder and can barely move my arm. My friends keep asking if I'm sure it wasn't from jerking off too much. Truth is, I pulled it by playing on my computer too much. FML
by Pleonasm / 02/18/2015 at 10:14am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Health
Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML
by doomed / 02/10/2015 at 7:00pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML
by xmassmasher / 12/02/2014 at 2:52am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML
by I'm Not Dead Yet / 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML
by Quasimodo / 10/18/2013 at 8:40am / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML
by NykP / 10/02/2013 at 12:56pm / United States (Arizona) / Money
by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Kit / 09/16/2013 at 7:09am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love
Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML
by SparkOfJade / 08/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
- Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking,… Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone… Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My…