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SofiaFaolan's FML badges
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SofiaFaolan's favorite FMLs
Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML
by beemove / 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
by kittkatt1 / 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Missusluv313 / 09/17/2012 at 7:25am / United States (Indiana) / Health
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
by amidreaming?? / 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML
by geeklove / 01/15/2012 at 10:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Geek
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by awkward / 02/27/2011 at 7:39am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Fran / 01/09/2010 at 3:40am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML
by timmynotjimmy / 10/27/2009 at 9:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Andrexwife / 07/31/2009 at 3:03am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Love
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
by wildthing / 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Noname / 03/10/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML
by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
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