Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (23 hours ago) | Search for a member
About Smartdumbblonde : o hi I'm Amanda 🌚 I'm just your average teen who's glued to her phone screen. Just someone who sits around her room, listening to too loud music, or watching supernatural. I used to be optimistic, but society is making me pessimistic. Sometimes I try to be poetic, writing stories, and even poetry. Too lame to be rad, but too rad to be lame. Instagram: @self_destructiive
wanna talk? kik: i_lovePierceTheVeil . Pip pip ta do da lee do, run along now and remember Cockadoodledo the cow says moo and that is all.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML
Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year old guy. FML
Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML
Today, I was wearing a new tank top that was really cute. I later was talking to an attractive guy and thought he was giggling at me because he thought I was being cute and funny. I then realized he was giggling at the fact that I only shaved one armpit. FML
Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML
Today, I got a new haircut. I was feeling pretty confident, until coworkers and family members kept making comments like, "I think you gained a little weight", "You look older" and "Do you still like guys?" Apparently, my new haircut changed my waist size and my sexual orientation. FML
Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML
Friday 28 August 2015