About Sleepwalker : I am all the days that you choose to ignore.
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Sleepwalker's favorite FMLs
by handlin / 01/14/2010 at 1:45am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
by pottypattypeepants / 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/25/2009 at 5:12pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML
by emogurl / 07/22/2009 at 1:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML
by DanceOnTheEdge / 07/19/2009 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2009 at 10:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work
by amiadori / 05/01/2009 at 5:50am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML
by cgold / 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML
by fingerfuckd / 04/29/2009 at 11:47am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year old male customer went into explicit detail about the Adult's Only programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming and tries out on his 70 year old wife. FML
by Lockie / 04/28/2009 at 5:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML
by Anonymous / 04/27/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy