Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SkoomaKi

Offline (the 01/26/2015 at 10:12pm) | Search for a member

SkoomaKi

19Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8173
  • Number of comments : 1781
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 41 posted

About SkoomaKi : (Skuu-ma-kee)

Lurked since early 2010, then I finally decided to make an account in 2011.

I like all regular commenters =)

Enjoy my tales.

The Moderators - Stories tell of Gods who walk among the FML commenters, keeping peace and prosperity throughout the community.

Perdix - Some say he is commenter who has been here since the beginning of FML, even the universe.

DocBastard - Legends tell of a medically fascinated doctor. Not much is known about him, just his intellect.

NoorFML - No one knows much about her, except her relations with Ezio (her husband). She is also a ninja.

Baustigt - Tales tell of an owner just as crazy as her dog. The dog, named Dula, can destroy worlds.

KyleeKay – Myths explain this girl’s obsession with the workings of human emotion. Her rational and ideal advice is wise to follow.

ManInTheMachine – A cyborg whom's consciousness is formed by it's computer program forming random code.

SkoomaKi's page activity

Visits<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - 6 hours ago<b>starlandmarie</b> - 21 hours ago<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 4:24am<b>JacobRSE</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 10:38pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 5:06pm<b>firefox9778</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 2:51pm<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 10:57pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 12:11am<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 9:23am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 6:27pm<b>ChilledCheese</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 10:03pm<b>wobbly1</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 1:50pm<b>lVluse</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 11:42pm<b>kerstileann</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 10:03pm<b>mushroomcassette</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 7:39am<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 3:54pm<b>___Unknown__08</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 1:18pm<b>_awwhellnaw_</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 8:54am

Fucked!<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 6:12am<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 7:25pm<b>___Unknown__08</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 7:18pm<b>thebakingseal</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 2:06pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 2:40pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 4:11am<b>HedgeOfTheHogs</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 1:23am<b>plasmarider</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 4:44pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 10:47pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 5:48am<b>vikingchick</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 3:46pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 9:14am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 6:29pm<b>ebonyirony</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 10:06pm<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 12:30pm<b>LeashaJoy5595</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 6:29am<b>buster113</b> - the 12/13/2014 at 6:26pm<b>xanderpanda999</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 6:33am

SkoomaKi's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of SkoomaKi's badges

SkoomaKi's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

#19350596
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27964) - you deserved it (4926)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:54am - kids - by ohhdear.___. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

#19344885
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23208) - you deserved it (4053)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

#19344485
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25859) - you deserved it (6970)

On 03/25/2012 at 12:06pm - love - by Mark Allan (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

#19330918
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47435) - you deserved it (4624)

On 03/23/2012 at 1:55am - intimacy - by mrricecakes (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

#19319680
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20277) - you deserved it (2558)

On 03/21/2012 at 9:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

#19319680
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20277) - you deserved it (2558)

On 03/21/2012 at 9:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

#19282495
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19602) - you deserved it (11570)

On 03/15/2012 at 12:13pm - work - by davey d (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

#19277345
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10582) - you deserved it (32289)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States

Today, while at work, a man came up to me and screamed that I was the devil's child, pointing at the tattoo on my wrist the whole time. I just stood there while he prayed for my soul. FML

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

#19233138
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22679) - you deserved it (2214)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:24pm - work - by Me - United States

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

#19173617
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22267) - you deserved it (3004)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

#19130391
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27064) - you deserved it (8370)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:33am - health - by mary (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML

#19085877
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28459) - you deserved it (2371)

On 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

#18617176
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25571) - you deserved it (3860)

On 12/26/2011 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

#18615763
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29093) - you deserved it (4722)

On 12/26/2011 at 12:56pm - love - by flowerman - United States



Juliette Bubulle's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Juliette's illustrated FML
  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: