Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SkoomaKi

Offline (the 07/28/2015 at 11:25pm) | Search for a member

SkoomaKi

49Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8993
  • Number of comments : 1781
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 41 posted

About SkoomaKi : (Skuu-ma-kee)

Lurked since early 2010, then I finally decided to make an account in 2011.

I like all regular commenters =)

Enjoy my tales.

The Moderators - Stories tell of Gods who walk among the FML commenters, keeping peace and prosperity throughout the community.

Perdix - Some say he is commenter who has been here since the beginning of FML, even the universe.

DocBastard - Legends tell of a medically fascinated doctor. Not much is known about him, just his intellect.

NoorFML - No one knows much about her, except her relations with Ezio (her husband). She is also a ninja.

Baustigt - Tales tell of an owner just as crazy as her dog. The dog, named Dula, can destroy worlds.

KyleeKay – Myths explain this girl’s obsession with the workings of human emotion. Her rational and ideal advice is wise to follow.

ManInTheMachine – A cyborg whom's consciousness is formed by it's computer program forming random code.

SkoomaKi's page activity

Visits<b>XxPojoxX</b> - 5 hours ago<b>buckstop1</b> - yesterday at 10:21pm<b>daemonmatrix</b> - yesterday at 1:39pm<b>TheAnon1313</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 6:31pm<b>sammiaaron</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 5:40am<b>jojocircus19</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 10:04pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 5:37pm<b>lui_pg</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 1:32am<b>Myorafield</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 11:46pm<b>Michaelaarnett</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 10:49pm<b>KhaleesiDannie</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 12:59pm<b>FriskyBananas</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 5:27pm<b>PotterHead_DH</b> - the 01/21/2016 at 7:55am<b>extrasnipes</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 6:48am<b>Mel_ham</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 11:14pm<b>Adamjohn82</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 12:12pm<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 2:03am<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 1:23am

Fucked!<b>jojocircus19</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 4:04am<b>Michaelaarnett</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 4:50am<b>minkyman1935</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 2:36pm<b>HowlingFire</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 10:24pm<b>soveryunoriginal</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 6:52am<b>Tacogamer20</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 8:23pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 11:30pm<b>PotatoesAndCake</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 12:55am<b>Myorafield</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 3:09am<b>bps2007</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 2:08pm<b>marigavino</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 4:46pm<b>Val0</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 2:54pm<b>Venister</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 6:08am<b>caaguilar</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 3:41am<b>kiwi15499</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 7:17am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 11:34pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 6:39am<b>totallynotemily</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 12:15am

SkoomaKi's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of SkoomaKi's badges

SkoomaKi's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on the bus during rush hour. A fly started buzzing around my head, and I swatted at it, at the exact moment the woman beside me decided to get out of her seat and put her face straight in the path of my hand. FML

#19502060
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24394) - you deserved it (2925)

On 04/20/2012 at 5:48pm - misc - by apparentlyawomanbeater (man) - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

#19501671
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26596) - you deserved it (1945)

On 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by ohgodwhy (woman) - United States

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

#19501133
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8873) - you deserved it (23699)

On 04/20/2012 at 1:58pm - misc - by Katelyn - United States (California)

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

#19496136
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42015) - you deserved it (6254)

On 04/19/2012 at 3:46pm - love - by caaarl (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

#19495947
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20792) - you deserved it (3764)

On 04/19/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by noooo!!! - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML

#19495820
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29047) - you deserved it (4581)

On 04/19/2012 at 2:00pm - love - by amber (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

#19484156
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39464) - you deserved it (2570)

On 04/17/2012 at 2:11pm - love - by Jason199615 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML

#19484025
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32844) - you deserved it (2154)

On 04/17/2012 at 1:37pm - health - by Merlin - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML

#19471721
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (4562)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:55am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

#19469984
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27164) - you deserved it (5780)

On 04/15/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Were do we go... - United States

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

#19466099
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27504) - you deserved it (2059)

On 04/14/2012 at 11:20am - misc - by keyless (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, late for work, I called my dad to see if he knew where my keys were. Turns out he'd taken them on holiday with him because they have a bottle opener on them. FML

#19466099
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27504) - you deserved it (2059)

On 04/14/2012 at 11:20am - misc - by keyless (woman) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

#19464902
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26605) - you deserved it (2970)

On 04/14/2012 at 2:27am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss fired me because he wants to start dating my mother and apparently doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

#19464773
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29433) - you deserved it (1771)

On 04/14/2012 at 1:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

#19464550
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26229) - you deserved it (4116)

On 04/14/2012 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: