Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SkoomaKi

Online | Search for a member

SkoomaKi

30Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8399
  • Number of comments : 1781
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 41 posted

About SkoomaKi : (Skuu-ma-kee)

Lurked since early 2010, then I finally decided to make an account in 2011.

I like all regular commenters =)

Enjoy my tales.

The Moderators - Stories tell of Gods who walk among the FML commenters, keeping peace and prosperity throughout the community.

Perdix - Some say he is commenter who has been here since the beginning of FML, even the universe.

DocBastard - Legends tell of a medically fascinated doctor. Not much is known about him, just his intellect.

NoorFML - No one knows much about her, except her relations with Ezio (her husband). She is also a ninja.

Baustigt - Tales tell of an owner just as crazy as her dog. The dog, named Dula, can destroy worlds.

KyleeKay – Myths explain this girl’s obsession with the workings of human emotion. Her rational and ideal advice is wise to follow.

ManInTheMachine – A cyborg whom's consciousness is formed by it's computer program forming random code.

SkoomaKi's page activity

Visits<b>leonidas_oleson</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 4:48pm<b>hfudge</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 2:20pm<b>ashleyrose465</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 1:13am<b>ShortStop19</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 1:22pm<b>Dowbo</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 1:53am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 3:02pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 8:51pm<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 3:32pm<b>amine91</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 10:57am<b>smileyemsen</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 4:18pm<b>blackneko</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 1:16pm<b>emgem3</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 6:10pm<b>nutinbuttkatze</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 1:46am<b>lagreeni</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 12:00am<b>lVluse</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 7:41am<b>JohnnyKade</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 2:15am<b>hugoni2000</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 4:01pm<b>_ExcitedPotato_</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 1:15am

Fucked!<b>hfudge</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 8:20pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 2:52am<b>blackneko</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 7:16pm<b>Dowbo</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 4:32am<b>rouslov</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 6:42am<b>DaRito</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 2:17am<b>tanziir1</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 12:01am<b>BlackHawkSavior</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 1:06am<b>BettyMouse</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 12:59pm<b>furstur</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 6:26am<b>iluvmonkeys</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 10:33pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 6:12am<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 7:25pm<b>___Unknown__08</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 7:18pm<b>thebakingseal</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 2:06pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 2:40pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 4:11am<b>HedgeOfTheHogs</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 1:23am

SkoomaKi's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of SkoomaKi's badges

SkoomaKi's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

#19521815
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6936) - you deserved it (25442)

On 04/24/2012 at 12:36pm - health - by monkeycannon7 - United States (Virginia)

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

#19521311
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10874) - you deserved it (26282)

On 04/24/2012 at 10:03am - intimacy - by mmmtortilla (woman) - Spain (Pais Vasco)

Today, I paid for someone else's pee so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

#19520767
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8334) - you deserved it (63656)

On 04/24/2012 at 4:29am - work - by xharmonyx - United States

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

#19516000
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10757) - you deserved it (19191)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:22am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

#19515959
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21941) - you deserved it (2646)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:00am - misc - by hoggypig -

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

#19515625
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34183) - you deserved it (3420)

On 04/23/2012 at 5:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realized just how awful my relationships have been when I discovered I emotionally connect with women on Jerry Springer. FML

#19511364
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17488) - you deserved it (5116)

On 04/22/2012 at 2:14pm - love - by Coquette (woman) - United States

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

#19511225
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22601) - you deserved it (2420)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the bed I sleep in is the bed I was conceived in. FML

Today, I found out the bed I sleep in is the bed I was conceived in. FML

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

#19509709
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29112) - you deserved it (11738)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

#19509709
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29112) - you deserved it (11738)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

#19509709
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29112) - you deserved it (11738)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, I discovered I have really bad dandruff. I learned this when I went indoor mini golfing and my whole upper body lit up like a Christmas tree underneath the black light. Among my friends I'm now known as the abominable snowman. FML

#19509348
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22184) - you deserved it (4121)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:24am - health - by Andrew7847 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

#19509327
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29732) - you deserved it (2163)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:20am - love - by Gennifer - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: