About SimplyPaige420 : I love cats and weed.
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SimplyPaige420's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 11:43am / India (Maharashtra) / Geek
Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML
by Emliy / 08/01/2014 at 1:06am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by NoSexForMe / 07/13/2014 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by gracezering / 06/17/2014 at 7:45am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML
by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 6:11pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Animals
Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML
by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML
by Spooprfailed / 04/08/2014 at 1:32am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by extra crispy or original recipe / 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by waymoreiwanted / 02/14/2014 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
by accident / 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML
by sally / 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by Profucktardor / 01/24/2014 at 3:33pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
- Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to… Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in,… Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and…