Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Shmatterhorn

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

Shmatterhorn

16Fucked!

ShmatterhornShmatterhorn
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 July 1966 (49 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5792
  • Number of comments : 292
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Shmatterhorn : anime fan, just looking for some fun

Shmatterhorn's page activity

Visits<b>GEFStryker</b> - yesterday at 12:09pm<b>GrumblySphinx</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 2:05pm<b>Lalala579121</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 5:56pm<b>llamingo</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 3:15pm<b>Anushka</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 1:42pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 5:53pm<b>Marcella1016</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 8:03am<b>paigexox0</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 7:07am<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 11:20pm<b>lishabear</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 10:51pm<b>PartyMoose</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:23am<b>mwali02</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 11:05pm<b>jelly_bennett</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 6:52pm<b>dakatabg</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 1:02am<b>annihil8or</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 10:57am<b>Waffleman44</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 6:11pm<b>FatKitty</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 2:51am<b>aislinn_skye</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 8:17am

Fucked!<b>Anushka</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 12:52am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 10:38pm<b>jelly_bennett</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 7:47pm<b>kimg0885</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 3:15pm<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 9:44pm<b>Akazuki</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 11:56pm<b>StillUsesMyspace</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 8:01pm<b>snarkytruth</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 3:28am<b>PartyMoose</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 7:19pm<b>KimmieHappyKat</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 10:43am<b>mwali02</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 1:42am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 10:42pm<b>mete_orito</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:38am<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 9:47pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 3:56pm<b>Paid4Hir3</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 5:25pm

Shmatterhorn's FML badges

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of Shmatterhorn's badges

Shmatterhorn's favorite FMLs

Today, my dentist dropped dead of a heart attack. This depressing event was made worse by the fact that he collapsed while his hands were in my mouth. FML

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

#20790198
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56039) - you deserved it (4204)

On 07/18/2013 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

#20788139
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69631) - you deserved it (4089)

On 07/17/2013 at 10:20am - misc - by ilivehere (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

#20787656
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48640) - you deserved it (3240)

On 07/17/2013 at 1:22am - health - by :-( - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

#20783919
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48185) - you deserved it (8470)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:46am - misc - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

#20782358
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51316) - you deserved it (4326)

On 07/14/2013 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML

#20779019
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46586) - you deserved it (2972)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anna - United States (New York)

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

#20763905
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48165) - you deserved it (4159)

On 07/04/2013 at 6:30pm - health - by Your ass... Grab it... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

#20762781
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67676) - you deserved it (5854)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47290) - you deserved it (9356)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

#20761657
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40802) - you deserved it (5648)

On 07/03/2013 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

#20759632
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37512) - you deserved it (2862)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:35am - work - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, what started off as an amazing date with my girlfriend ended with me driving her drunk ass home while she sat in the backseat making out with her new boyfriend. FML

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

#20752893
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51915) - you deserved it (5953)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: