Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Shmatterhorn

Offline (11 hours ago) | Search for a member

Shmatterhorn

5Liked!

ShmatterhornShmatterhorn
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 July 1966 (48 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4114
  • Number of comments : 248
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Shmatterhorn : anime fan, just looking for some fun

Shmatterhorn's page activity

Visits<b>lovebugs7204</b> - yesterday at 10:00pm<b>turdoblast</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 9:11pm<b>whitefish3</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 7:46pm<b>rocketgurl</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 4:52pm<b>Stripes12345</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 4:04pm<b>joeyhockey39</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 3:47pm<b>xninix</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 1:26pm<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 5:16am<b>rylaii</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 2:36am<b>UncleGrandpaw</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 11:52pm<b>jv93</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 11:02pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 10:50pm<b>MRSwick2525</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 9:05pm<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 8:16pm<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 7:12pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 1:00pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 10:42am<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 3:46am

Liked!<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 10:42pm<b>mete_orito</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:38am<b>Noelletakumi</b> - the 01/01/2015 at 9:47pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 3:56pm<b>Paid4Hir3</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 5:25pm

Shmatterhorn's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

See all of Shmatterhorn's badges

Shmatterhorn's favorite FMLs

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

#20788139
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68499) - you deserved it (4010)

On 07/17/2013 at 10:20am - misc - by ilivehere (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

#20787656
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48479) - you deserved it (3230)

On 07/17/2013 at 1:22am - health - by :-( - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

#20783919
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48037) - you deserved it (8457)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:46am - misc - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

#20782358
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51227) - you deserved it (4312)

On 07/14/2013 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML

#20779019
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46475) - you deserved it (2856)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anna - United States (New York)

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

#20763905
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46222) - you deserved it (4018)

On 07/04/2013 at 6:30pm - health - by Your ass... Grab it... (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

#20762781
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65771) - you deserved it (5704)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46753) - you deserved it (9260)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

#20761657
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38777) - you deserved it (5442)

On 07/03/2013 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

#20759632
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36468) - you deserved it (2788)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:35am - work - by Demotivation (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, what started off as an amazing date with my girlfriend ended with me driving her drunk ass home while she sat in the backseat making out with her new boyfriend. FML

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

#20752893
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49994) - you deserved it (5750)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, I met my biological father for the first time. He seemed to be slightly intoxicated from the outset, and less than half an hour later, he had tried to intimidate me into "loaning" him several hundred euros for reasons he wouldn't tell me. So long, "dad". FML

#20750358
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43573) - you deserved it (2820)

On 06/27/2013 at 1:35pm - misc - by brigitte (woman) - France (Picardie)

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML



FML's blog

  • FML's badges: pointless but essential!
  • If you're a regular on FML, it probably means that you're a member. Whatcha mean you're not a member? Right, for a start, run along and create yourself an account. Doing so will allow you to comment on…

Monday 23 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: