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Shmatterhorn

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Shmatterhorn

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ShmatterhornShmatterhorn
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 July 1966 (48 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4175
  • Number of comments : 249
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Shmatterhorn : anime fan, just looking for some fun

Shmatterhorn's page activity

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Shmatterhorn's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

See all of Shmatterhorn's badges

Shmatterhorn's favorite FMLs

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42244) - you deserved it (9468)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

#21146270
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54228) - you deserved it (4805)

On 05/20/2014 at 1:27pm - misc - by Q - United States

Today, my store manager told me I was fired. I'm not sure what's more insulting - that he'd fire me, or that he forgot I haven't worked there in four months. FML

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45016) - you deserved it (3155)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went shopping for a wedding dress at a fancy store. The proprietor took one look at me, said they don't have any dresses large enough for me, and asked me to leave. No wonder my self-confidence is in the gutter. FML

Today, my mother-in-law called me every 2 hours, starting at 8pm and stopping at 10am the following morning. She says that since my wife and I are expecting our first child, I should "get used to waking up at all hours." She calls my work phone, which I'm not allowed to switch off. FML

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

#21030359
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67745) - you deserved it (4149)

On 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Fire sucks. (man) - United States

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

Today, after finals, my English professor left me less than one percent from an A. Why? All semester long, he took away points because my opinions did not match his. FML

Today, I found a job after two years of searching. I excitedly called my best friend to tell her the good news. She decided break her own news about how she quit yet another good paying job and found an even better one within hours. FML

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

#20975692
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47810) - you deserved it (3360)

On 11/30/2013 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

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