Schmohams

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Schmohams

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 678
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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Schmohams's page activity

Visits<b>Clint15</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 3:16pm<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 9:18pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 11:49pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 10:40pm<b>iAlissa</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 8:37pm<b>cheekychimp23</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 7:03pm<b>LaLa_xo</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 1:26pm<b>dchomchai</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 3:54am<b>WeiXinLun</b> - the 07/02/2013 at 9:48pm<b>StateChampBoy</b> - the 07/02/2013 at 5:46pm<b>Cristhian8</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 1:14am<b>xlord</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 12:05pm<b>golden_warrior</b> - the 06/27/2013 at 6:22am<b>Gshelton09</b> - the 06/26/2013 at 9:45pm<b>NotTheDroid</b> - the 06/26/2013 at 9:44pm

Schmohams's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Schmohams's badges

Schmohams's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the elevator with my boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML

by / 06/05/2011 at 4:45pm / United States / Health

Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML

by Max Flynn / 05/20/2011 at 6:07am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

by dickface / 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

by kelly / 03/21/2011 at 3:07am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML

by muffdriver / 12/26/2010 at 10:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML

by rebeccacaissie / 11/21/2010 at 1:16pm / United States / Love

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

by Sara1990 / 08/23/2010 at 7:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

by coffee_princess / 07/22/2010 at 7:14pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2010 at 4:17am / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2010 at 9:28pm / Intimacy