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Schmohams's FML badges
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Schmohams's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in the elevator with my boss, when I let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML
by / 06/05/2011 at 4:45pm / United States / Health
Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML
by Max Flynn / 05/20/2011 at 6:07am / Miscellaneous
by dickface / 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML
by kelly / 03/21/2011 at 3:07am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love
Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 9:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by muffdriver / 12/26/2010 at 10:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by rebeccacaissie / 11/21/2010 at 1:16pm / United States / Love
Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML
by Sara1990 / 08/23/2010 at 7:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by coffee_princess / 07/22/2010 at 7:14pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2010 at 4:17am / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous
by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I went for an operation. Only to walk out with my gallbladder still there and the news I am… Today, after working 6 days a week, making well over overtime and happy for a well rested day off,… Today, and for the last few days I've stopped texting the people I talk with daily to see if they'd…