SarcasticUnicorn

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SarcasticUnicorn

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 5 December 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4119
  • Number of comments : 134
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About SarcasticUnicorn : I love Michael Jackson, Britney Spears, Frank Sinatra, Snow White, ALF, and hotdogs.

That is all there is to life, really.

Have a lovely day.

SarcasticUnicorn's page activity

Visits<b>psychocunt</b> - the 09/27/2016 at 12:56am<b>Artures_way1</b> - the 09/23/2016 at 11:17pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 09/22/2016 at 10:17pm<b>Olivia93</b> - the 06/30/2016 at 9:12pm<b>This_Sucks178</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 11:07pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 05/16/2016 at 12:19pm<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 05/06/2016 at 4:01am<b>OptimusSlime</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 2:14pm<b>pokehmahn</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 6:15pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 1:22pm<b>heybro19</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 10:17am<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 6:20pm<b>pyronexus</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 1:07pm<b>AChaoticFray</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 7:28pm<b>jsb1426</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 2:55am<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 12:24pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:39am<b>ExhaustedSausage</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 3:23pm

Fucked!<b>Olivia93</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 3:13am

SarcasticUnicorn's FML badges

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SarcasticUnicorn's favorite FMLs

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML

by The Horrible Older Sister / 09/02/2012 at 6:07am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

by Geckosrock99 / 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

by Confused / 08/22/2012 at 12:33pm / Spain (Madrid) / Intimacy

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

by diggingaplotforone / 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Kids

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

by sigh / 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I realized that due to my obsession with House MD, I seem to have subconsciously developed a limp in my right leg. FML

by spougeineye1 / 04/03/2012 at 12:37pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

by daddy-o / 03/14/2012 at 3:51am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML

by Tristan Brantley / 03/11/2012 at 3:36am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML

by cero_kewl / 03/05/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work