About SJParker : Go away; I don't like you.
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SJParker's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
by so scared / 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ChestExploding / 11/20/2013 at 6:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 11:58am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/24/2013 at 3:16pm / United States (New Mexico) / Health
by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML
by calobrisi / 10/15/2013 at 3:34pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by zzfreakshow / 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Animals
by mustabeendrugs / 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by alexbrooke / 09/15/2013 at 10:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
by Crazy Crazy Crazy / 09/12/2013 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health
by NoNotCats =^._.^= / 09/03/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML
by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome… Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he… Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me…