Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 11/28/2015 at 8:10pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Arc, France
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 2 August 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 17767
  • Number of comments : 410
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About SHAMUS_the_WITTY :
Shamus is the nickname I've had from my friends since I was 14 years old. I grew up in southern Alabama, and am attending college at LSU. IMHO, New Orleans is amazing

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's page activity

Visits<b>tgodluke</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Mewling_Quim</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 2:47am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 8:15pm<b>xninix</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:06pm<b>CandienInEurope</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 9:07pm<b>slingerslasher</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 4:01am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 3:23am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 1:00am<b>XPhoenixFire</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 3:26pm<b>yaboigabe</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 1:29pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 11:53am<b>symfora</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:33am<b>chriss2015</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:09am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 9:40am<b>blaacbird</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 7:07am<b>Lukewarm_Grandma</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 1:17am<b>maydayyparade</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 12:24pm<b>theswanlake</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 8:55am

Fucked!<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 9:23am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:00am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 12:34pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 3:28pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 7:32am<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 6:59pm<b>emmaaadotcom</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 11:06pm<b>mintyowlgirl</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 1:29am

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.


You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of SHAMUS_the_WITTY's badges

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's favorite FMLs

Today, I broke up with the guy I was seeing because he has a bad temper. He refused to believe me and decided that the best way to prove me wrong was to completely destroy my newly built house, inside and out, while I was at work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23280) - you deserved it (1375)

On 11/04/2015 at 10:36pm - love - by hi_im_ughlee (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whiskey, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34645) - you deserved it (2401)

On 09/17/2015 at 3:48pm - kids - by Angus (man) - France

Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31541) - you deserved it (2751)

On 09/11/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by EverettA - United States (Ohio)

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML


I agree, your life sucks (28514) - you deserved it (4765)

On 08/31/2015 at 6:50pm - kids - by laurencoc - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27604) - you deserved it (20137)

On 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I disproved a scientific theory created by my supervisor. He was furious and said that I shouldn't have tried to disprove him. He told me to continue working with his theory and now he threatens to fire me if I publish my work. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32451) - you deserved it (2824)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:38am - work - by ZG_Rules (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (2746)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML


I agree, your life sucks (37226) - you deserved it (3164)

On 03/09/2015 at 9:55am - love - by generic_name123 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34747) - you deserved it (4285)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29095) - you deserved it (3283)

On 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm - misc - by Innocence (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML


I agree, your life sucks (35033) - you deserved it (2891)

On 12/13/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by ashamed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39663) - you deserved it (6473)

On 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40805) - you deserved it (3125)

On 11/24/2014 at 8:44am - love - by ohwell (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #20
  • Here we are in November! Winter is here, for most of us, it's dark, grey and depressing and if you're the kind of person who watches network news 24/7, you're probably going to need some cheering up.…

Monday 30 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: