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SApprentice

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SApprentice
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5154
  • Number of comments : 503
  • Number of FMLs : 3 confirmed out of 50 posted

About SApprentice : I try to be a very nice person, because people should be nice to each other. However, I honestly feel disdain and contempt for a lot of people. It makes me a bit of an a** sometimes. I apologize if I'm ever an a** to you.

I'm getting married in a few months. My life has sucked for years, but maybe it'll get better soon. My fiance and I are planning on children soon after our wedding, and I'm really hoping I don't mess them up. Whatever my faults, I want to be a good mom.

Text speak, poor grammar, and bad spelling all bother me. I refuse to type like that.

I believe that all humans, including myself, are terrible monsters, and life is about trying to be a little less of a horrible person.

That's about everything. I hope your day goes well.

Edit: I am happily married to my wonderful husband, and have become a very content mother. Life has never been so pleasant for me.

SApprentice's last visitors

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SApprentice's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

See all of SApprentice's badges

SApprentice's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52485) - you deserved it (10228)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML

#194901
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42464) - you deserved it (10997)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by bluedevil26 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (136190) - you deserved it (11004)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

#3525
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17965) - you deserved it (4601)

On 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by IEatDammit - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend complained that I don't kiss her often enough. The problem is her breath. It's disgusting. I gently answer: 'Well, you don't kiss me often either!". So now she keeps kissing me. FML

#570
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7146) - you deserved it (34283)

On 12/22/2008 at 2:45am - love - by Julian - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

#563
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16406) - you deserved it (2025)

On 12/21/2008 at 7:14am - misc - by Phil - Sent from mobile version

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

#560
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11723) - you deserved it (9004)

On 12/21/2008 at 2:00am - misc - by Bito - Sent from mobile version

Today, I opened a packet of cereal and it exploded on my keyboard; now, my keyboard crackles. FML

#556
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12647) - you deserved it (9228)

On 12/20/2008 at 3:16am - misc - by Rabzouz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

#538
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11060) - you deserved it (19323)

On 12/17/2008 at 10:38pm - misc - by kisyfrot - Sent from mobile version

Today, my wife, in her magnificent wedding dress, had her period during the ceremony. How did I find out? The same way everyone else did. FML

#505
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42232) - you deserved it (2278)

On 12/13/2008 at 12:48am - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, my brand new (and very expensive) laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one! Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind it makes a cool sound. FML

#458
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18396) - you deserved it (3356)

On 12/06/2008 at 2:51am - misc - by harry - Sent from mobile version

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

#440
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17373) - you deserved it (4352)

On 12/03/2008 at 1:11am - health - by Anto - Sent from mobile version

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

#434
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25813) - you deserved it (1591)

On 12/02/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by lamb-chop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I sent a text message to my boyfriend, saying "Come over in an hour, I love you." An hour later, the doorbell rang. It was my ex, looking happy and still as taken with me as before, with a bunch of roses. I'd got the wrong number. My ex and my boyfriend have the same name. FML

#432
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10195) - you deserved it (34567)

On 12/01/2008 at 11:57pm - love - by eleonor - Sent from mobile version

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

#405
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29477) - you deserved it (7193)

On 11/28/2008 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Sam - Sent from mobile version



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