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RiverD23's favorite FMLs
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML
by poop / 03/08/2009 at 7:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
by Girl123999 / 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Picaresque / 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML
by Byron fiddles / 02/24/2009 at 6:57am / Hungary (Budapest) / Intimacy
by swtkiss1 / 02/18/2009 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by alhummel21 / 02/12/2009 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Love
by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by #201 / 02/05/2009 at 8:23am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by pikachu / 01/20/2009 at 3:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Black / 12/11/2008 at 10:31pm / Lebanon (Beqaa) / Intimacy
by USSEYL / 11/25/2008 at 11:43pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML
- Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of…