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Ripley831

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Ripley831

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Ripley831's favorite FMLs

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

#21234535
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39742) - you deserved it (3452)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:11am - misc - by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35150) - you deserved it (3332)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50102) - you deserved it (4314)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

#21228738
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38155) - you deserved it (5053)

On 08/03/2014 at 8:19pm - money - by lovethyneighbour - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was taking an order for a patron at the casino. The policy is to "pay first." After explaining this to him, he still refused to pay. After years of being polite, I finally cracked and said, "You are making this really f-ing difficult". This particular patron was our CEO's son. FML

#21228632
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39230) - you deserved it (13043)

On 08/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by really though? - United States (Delaware)

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

#21228488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23417) - you deserved it (45236)

On 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm - misc - by ew - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51489) - you deserved it (4215)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36333) - you deserved it (17626)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45725) - you deserved it (3287)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53155) - you deserved it (8257)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work, a lady approached me asking if I'd found a used cloth diaper on a table, and I told her it was probably in the trash. She said "That's okay, I can wash it." So I searched through several bags of trash, and when I couldn't find it, she said "Oh never mind! It's in my bag." FML

#21158865
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41252) - you deserved it (4330)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:13am - work - by cootiequeen (woman) - United States

Today, my psycho, animal-hating neighbour "accidentally" ran over my cat. This is the second time he's "accidentally" done this to a neighbourhood pet since he moved in, three weeks ago. FML

#21157136
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47228) - you deserved it (3530)

On 05/30/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

#21119490
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49412) - you deserved it (13064)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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