About RentaName : My goal is to offend as many people as possible. I am the captain of cheese.
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RentaName's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
by anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML
by zoosmell pooplord / 09/02/2012 at 3:41pm / Norway (Buskerud) / Work
Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
by ImOverHere / 09/02/2012 at 12:56pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by scot / 09/02/2012 at 11:38am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 9:38am / United States (Maryland) / Love
by rotezora / 09/02/2012 at 8:44am / Switzerland (Basel-Stadt) / Love
Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML
by The Horrible Older Sister / 09/02/2012 at 6:07am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by KidKillah / 09/01/2012 at 12:07am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 8:49pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML
by what.....? / 08/31/2012 at 7:40pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm / United States (California) / Work
by jon / 08/31/2012 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML
by Kat / 08/30/2012 at 9:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy