RandomPenguin

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Offline (the 10/02/2014 at 4:26am)

RandomPenguin

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1126
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About RandomPenguin : Hey! I'm pretty random.... There's not much to know about me. I can't really say any interests, because they change a lot. Warning: I'm a bit of a grammar nazi, especially when it comes to there, their, and they're.

RandomPenguin's page activity

Visits<b>thundercrow1999</b> - the 10/29/2016 at 7:30pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 10:21am<b>Waspinator1998</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 11:19pm<b>doglover100</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 10:54am<b>Wolvander88</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 6:26am<b>Alli_bear_hugs</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 8:54pm<b>BigL99</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 9:23am<b>chill_will1</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 8:24am<b>saocrates</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 7:57am<b>Puraqua</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 3:58pm<b>domking1315</b> - the 08/14/2013 at 12:26am<b>_luckyme_101</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 12:20am<b>sfi20</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 3:46am<b>pdp</b> - the 07/31/2013 at 7:08am<b>VanillaCinnamon</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 3:05pm<b>cskipgolfer2013</b> - the 07/21/2013 at 10:23pm<b>intheheart</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 2:06pm<b>bitchwhore</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 8:58am

Fucked!<b>thundercrow1999</b> - the 10/30/2016 at 1:31am

RandomPenguin's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of RandomPenguin's badges

RandomPenguin's favorite FMLs

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

by heyhijello / 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm / Switzerland (Bern) / Work

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

by Msmerfner / 08/03/2013 at 4:40am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

by Fitz / 07/29/2013 at 2:30am / United States / Work

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

by picklebug / 07/26/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

by MarkQ95 / 07/21/2013 at 7:58pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML

by Nick / 07/20/2013 at 3:37pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML

by YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THE CUSTOMER / 07/20/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

by Dirty_Mind_69 / 07/20/2013 at 4:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

by ilivehere / 07/17/2013 at 10:20am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 3:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm / Puerto Rico / Kids