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Radioactive_Doll's favorite FMLs
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
by abusedparrot / 08/24/2014 at 8:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 12:14am / United States / Love
Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by baconlady / 08/31/2012 at 3:06am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Sarah / 08/30/2012 at 8:58am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was at a job interview. The interviewer spoke to me for a few minutes, then said she would be right back, and left. I was left alone in a room for an hour and a half believing that it was a patience test. They closed the store for the day, leaving me in the interview room. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2012 at 11:31pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML
by yarhyun1 / 08/19/2012 at 12:00pm / United States / Love
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm / United States / Love
Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML
by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love
by lotd / 07/31/2012 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
by anonymous / 07/19/2012 at 7:56pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML
by theuglyfriend / 07/17/2012 at 2:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by lurna301 / 07/16/2012 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Love
by trisha / 07/16/2012 at 4:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids