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PythonsAndVipers's favorite FMLs
Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML
by purebliss / 12/05/2013 at 7:43pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by cheyeahh6 / 11/17/2013 at 5:41pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Eggs / 11/15/2013 at 12:00am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML
by feetfreak / 11/13/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML
by kittkatt1 / 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by thank god you'll only live once / 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML
by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by SantaClaus / 11/02/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
by FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP / 11/01/2013 at 2:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML
by brokeasajoke / 11/01/2013 at 8:58am / United States (Oklahoma) / Money
Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML
by bobosgonnagetyou / 11/01/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by WhyMe6495 / 10/06/2013 at 6:28pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/29/2013 at 5:38am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by YayItsYasmine / 08/14/2013 at 12:48pm / Austria (Karnten) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…
- Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you…