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Primus

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Primus
  • Town/Country : In an igloo, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 January 1995 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1988
  • Number of comments : 338
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Primus's favorite FMLs

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

#17334283
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10483) - you deserved it (62427)

On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

#17298408
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26852) - you deserved it (4578)

On 07/29/2011 at 2:26pm - misc - by someone - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

#16984657
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28385) - you deserved it (3063)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:04am - work - by chawlay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

#16984657
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28385) - you deserved it (3063)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:04am - work - by chawlay (man) - United States (New York)

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34811) - you deserved it (30430)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12631) - you deserved it (33311)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67070) - you deserved it (6317)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up late for work, and got sick at work twice; when I got home I discovered I'd paid my cable bill late when I got cut off. When my girlfriend came over, the first thing she said was "Do you know about the graffiti on your car?" FML

#14258015
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35733) - you deserved it (2715)

On 12/19/2010 at 6:29am - misc - by byepolar_bare (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML

#14150271
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22830) - you deserved it (8074)

On 12/10/2010 at 2:17am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my dad's birthday. As a joke, I got him one of those big erasers that say, "FOR BIG MISTAKES." He opened it, tried to erase me with it, then said, "It doesn't work." and left. FML

#13481671
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18443) - you deserved it (24609)

On 10/17/2010 at 2:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after waiting all day to get into my favorite band's concert, I got front row. At the end, one of them grabbed my CD and got the whole band to sign it. The last band member tossed it into the crowd, nowhere near me. FML

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

#12915850
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25962) - you deserved it (4201)

On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

#12887848
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15324) - you deserved it (32416)

On 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML

#12261661
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8069) - you deserved it (32099)

On 08/02/2010 at 5:50am - work - by Julia (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22660) - you deserved it (46062)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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