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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 5 May 1980 (35 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3931
  • Number of comments : 292
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 38 posted

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Polynomial's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50695) - you deserved it (7092)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49484) - you deserved it (7148)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39359) - you deserved it (15831)

On 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48339) - you deserved it (3906)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:09am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I told my parents about the amazing guy I met. My mom immediately stormed out. My dad got up, looked at me and told me he's disappointed in me for "falling into the traps of the Internet," and leaves. I didn't meet him on the Internet. FML


Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML


I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (58970)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38944) - you deserved it (3094)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51436) - you deserved it (7898)

On 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by coppervains (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (40623) - you deserved it (5753)

On 02/21/2014 at 3:04am - intimacy - by sadlysingle (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34059) - you deserved it (51022)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40146) - you deserved it (4726)

On 02/11/2014 at 8:37pm - money - by dumbwifehappylife (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46773) - you deserved it (5556)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML


I agree, your life sucks (57403) - you deserved it (20326)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43815) - you deserved it (11116)

On 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm - animals - by foops (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

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